What a surprise! Men are going crazy for Viagra, the impotence pill. It either is or soon will be the most prescribed medication in America. Who knew we were such an impotent nation?
Hold on a second. We're not talking about a pill that helps you do better arithmetic, or a pill that fights your chronic toe jam problem, or a pill that spell-checks your documents while it whitens your teeth. We're talking about a pill that helps make a guy's manhood be more manly. Forget about how it works. It doesn't matter. What matters is that every American guy thinks there's a stud bonus waiting inside that 50mg dose.
Keep in mind that until now, the cure for this problem involved the word "injection." Hey, Doc, that's a needle-free zone you're talking about! Now, Pfizer comes out with a pill that -- for what, eight bucks? -- makes every guy think he can break that nine-hour sex record that Sting claims he accomplished through yoga. Of course it's a bestseller!
Don't think that some of those pills aren't finding their way into the hands of women who are hoping it'll add a little more fun to their life, too: "Yeah, honey, I know you want to watch Michael Jordan take it to the hole, but let me make you a very special martini and we'll see who has the home court advantage tonight!"
There was even a website run by a doctor in Milwaukee that was offering a Viagra prescription on the net for $50, and no need to drop trou. Just a couple of clicks and your disk isn't so floppy anymore. The site was so popular that he couldn't keep up with demand. He got clamped down by some medical authority or another, and now all you get when you go to -- I'm not kidding about this address -- www.penispill.com, is the message, "We are sorry, but Vascular Center for Men is no longer able to offer Viagra to patients unless you visit our Milwaukee clinic in person." I wonder if you still have to turn your head and cough.
Naturally, Viagra has made the price of Pfizer's stock stand up straight, too. Because after a long day at the brokerage, every Gordon Gekko wannabe knows that greed is good, but sex is better, and you don't want to be caught among the shorts when every other guy is going long.Labels: columns